Former India spinner Laxman Sivaramakrishnan has spoken about instances of racism he faced early in his career, including within the Indian dressing room, and how those experiences affected him over time.

Sivaramakrishnan, who played 25 international matches for India, made his Test debut in Antigua in April 1983 at the age of 17 years and 118 days, becoming one of the youngest to represent the country in the format.

Recalling his early tours, he said he felt more comfortable in the Caribbean than in his own team environment. “Everybody’s skin colour was on the darker side. They were very happy people,” Sivaramakrishnan said while talking to Indian Express. He added that players like Desmond Haynes and the late Malcolm Marshall often spent time with him during his debut Test series.

“In West Indies I was treated very well even by the opposition, in fact my best friends were Desmond Haynes and late Malcolm Marshall, they used to take me out almost every evening. When the Test matches were going on, I’d probably take a change of clothes and have a shower in the ground and take permission and leave,” he told The Indian Express.

He said the two cricketers showed him places across Jamaica, Trinidad and Barbados, and even invited him to Marshall’s house to watch old West Indies matches.

Sivaramakrishnan also mentioned that Gordon Greenidge, known for being reserved, opened up to him about his own experiences of racism. “He had personally told me that this is what I went through in England and that’s why I just mind my business, play my cricket and just go.”

In contrast, he recalled incidents of discrimination within the Indian setup. As a teenager serving as a net bowler, he said a senior Indian player once mistook him for ground staff and asked him to clean his shoes. “I just looked at him and said, ‘That’s none of my business,'” Sivaramakrishnan told The Indian Express.

He also spoke about an incident during the 1983 tour of Pakistan when captain Sunil Gavaskar arranged a cake for him on his birthday. According to the report, a teammate made a remark on his skin colour in that moment. “Hey Sunny, you ordered the right colour cake. Such a dark chocolate cake for a dark boy,” a teammate reportedly said.

Sivaramakrishnan said such experiences continued during domestic and international matches, where he was subjected to comments from crowds. “Because of my darkness, people would dismiss me. There was a sense of hurt every time this happened. I always wanted to forget, forget, forget but deep down, it’s always rooted and it comes out. All these things put me in a position where I had very low self-esteem at a tender age… it is very hard to build confidence,” he said.