With her execution days away, the lone woman on Tennessee’s death row says she is prepared to die but “nervous” about how the state intends to carry it out.

Before learning Monday that Gov. Bill Lee would not be intervening in her case, Christa Pike wrote in a letter to NBC News, shared by her spiritual adviser: “Whether my clemency is granted or not, I am at peace.”

“I am not afraid to die,” wrote Pike, who has been on death row for over three decades. “I’m only nervous about the process.”

Tennessee is poised to execute Pike, 50, on Wednesday by lethal injection — the first time in more than 200 years that the state will put a woman to death, according to historical records.

In 1995, Pike was 18 when Knoxville police say she and two teenage accomplices tortured, slashed and fatally beat Colleen Slemmer, 19. Police say Pike and the others lured Slemmer, a classmate in their Job Corps training program, to an abandoned steam plant at the nearby University of Tennessee and attacked her.

The case became sensationalized when investigators said it was tied to the occult because someone had carved a pentagram into Slemmer’s chest and Pike bragged to another student that she had kept a fragment of the victim’s skull as a “souvenir.”

Pike doesn’t dispute her role in the grisly killing. But details about her upbringing, marked by years of sexual and physical abuse and neglect, were not shared with the jury that sentenced her to death. Her lawyers believe that if such evidence of abuse were presented at a trial now, a death sentence would not be guaranteed.

They have asked the Supreme Court to halt Pike’s execution, saying that she suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder stemming from being molested and raped beginning when she was a toddler. Being held down and strapped to a gurney, they wrote, will likely create “severe mental suffering and superadded psychological terror under Tennessee’s lethal injection protocol.”

The state hasn’t denied that Pike has suffered from abuse. But in a response filed Monday, the attorney general’s office said a judge already concluded last month that it was “speculative whether Pike would suffer” greater mental harm from how the lethal injection protocol is carried out.

The Supreme Court is Pike’s remaining chance for a reprieve after Lee said he was upholding her death sentence “after deliberate consideration.”

Pike’s lawyers said Monday they were “saddened and heartbroken.”

Another woman, Gaile Owens, was on Tennessee’s death row with Pike until 2010, when Gov. Phil Bredesen changed her sentence to life in prison.

In her letter, Pike wrote that people have seen a “limited public persona that has been the only narrative” about her. Her lawyers had tried to convince Lee that she was a product of a tumultuous childhood.

“Stepping into the chaos of Christa’s life that led her to that moment will not justify her actions that night,” one of her lawyers, Randall Spivey, said of when she committed her crime. “But the chaos will show you that Christa was broken, not evil.”

Different sentences

Pike’s lawyers also point to her age and how it led to such a different outcome in her case.

While she faced a death sentence because of her first-degree murder and conspiracy to commit murder conviction in Slemmer’s death, another conspirator was spared: Pike’s boyfriend, who was 17 at the time. Tadaryl Shipp received a life sentence because he was a juvenile and remains eligible for parole. Shipp testified at his post-conviction hearing that he was the one who carved a pentagram into Slemmer’s chest.

The third accomplice — Shadolla Peterson, then 18 — served as a lookout in the crime and received probation in exchange for her cooperation.

Pike told police she “wasn’t even thinking” when she assaulted Slemmer and that she had been jealous believing the victim was trying to steal Shipp’s attention. Pike’s lawyers say that her age would have been more of a factor today, given how scientific research has evolved in understanding that young people’s brains are still developing well beyond their teen years.

In addition, her lawyers say that her legal representatives at the time could have accepted a deal from prosecutors who were offering a life sentence without parole in return for a guilty plea.

Pike sobbed as the judge told her she would die by electrocution, then the only form of execution in Tennessee before the state moved to lethal injection as its primary method.

She pleaded through tears: “Can I please hug my mom?”

Pike entered prison, where she was placed into solitary confinement for up to 23 hours a day and prescribed Prozac to treat her obsessive-compulsive disorder. Early on, she struggled to express remorse.

“It took me numerous years to even realize the gravity of what I’d done,” Pike said in her clemency petition.

Lingering trauma

Three years ago, Bethany Brand, a psychologist specializing in trauma, was asked by Pike’s lawyers to assess whether she suffers from psychological disorders and consider if any contributed to the crime.

She sat with Pike at her Nashville prison and reviewed police reports, past medical examinations and other files in her case detailing physical and sexual abuse. Brand learned that Pike’s parents were not stable figures in her life. Her mother’s boyfriends and other men had molested her from a young age, the files said. She did poorly in school, living with other family members in West Virginia and North Carolina. At 17 — one year before she would take part in Slemmer’s murder — Pike reported to North Carolina police that she was walking to the store when a man threw her to the ground and raped her. No one was ever arrested.

In her final report, Brand wrote that the adults in Pike’s life failed her. Doctors only diagnosed a bipolar disorder a few years after she was already in prison.

The level of trauma Pike was subjected to “is almost impossible to grasp because it is so severe,” Brand wrote.

She told NBC News that medications in prison have helped Pike tremendously and that she now has “empathy and great regret” for what she did. But, she added, Pike’s case is a lesson of the need for greater awareness surrounding women’s mental health and recognizing trauma and untreated mental illness.

“In Christa’s case, nobody was trying to get her help,” Brand said.

May Martinez is unconvinced that the person responsible for mutilating her daughter’s body and leaving her nude from the waist up could change.

Martinez recalled how, after the investigation ended, she did not realize all of her daughter’s body parts weren’t buried with her remains, as some had been retained as trial evidence. She had to pick up Slemmer’s skull from the courthouse, and remembers that the medical examiner’s office mailed her other parts later. (The office said it rarely retains human remains as it had 30 years ago because of better technology, enhanced photography and lab work.)

“We had her buried in a Catholic cemetery,” Martinez said. “And she had to be dug up every time they mailed me body parts.”

Recently, she said, she has refused to communicate with Pike directly. The only way she can get justice now is when she watches Pike be executed.

“I will sit there with her picture in my hand,” Martinez said of her daughter, “and as she gets hooked up to a needle to go to sleep, she can look at the picture.”

All-female execution team

Given the rarity of the execution of a female prisoner, Tennessee corrections officials say they would make an effort to fulfill certain requests made by Pike. That includes using female guards when she is moved from her all-women’s prison in Nashville to the nearby Riverbend Maximum Security Institution within 24 hours of her planned execution. An all-female execution team may also be assigned.

At least one exception is expected to be a male physician who was involved in a failed lethal injection execution earlier this year that had to be called off when a suitable vein could not be located on the prisoner. Dr. Mark Walton Fowler told NBC News that he intends to participate in Pike’s execution.

Pike’s spiritual adviser, the Rev. Mikey Noechel, a Buddhist teacher, says he will also be permitted in the execution chamber. He plans to bless the space and chant and meditate, focusing on a Buddhist prayer of “loving-kindness” with Pike.

Noechel, who has not previously been a spiritual adviser to someone on death row, said they have spent time speaking openly about life, death and gratitude. Pike, he added, doesn’t shy away from what she did.

“She did something terrible. Awful. I hate that it happened and I feel deep compassion for Colleen Slemmer’s family,” Noechel said. “But Christa is proof that redemption and change are possible.”

He believes all Pike wanted was to be loved and for someone, especially those she trusted, to notice her.

In the letter shared by Noechel, Pike wrote that she is thankful for the support and has felt “more love in the last two weeks than I have my entire life.”

“I am humbled beyond words,” she wrote, scribbling a heart at the end.